我的瘋狂因我狂-酒狂 (作者：陳道)

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我的瘋狂因我狂

酒狂 (作者：陳道)

鑒湖女俠－秋謹

WomanNight of Lake Mirror--Qiu Jin

我在故宮看了明朝四大家之一──沈周先生的一幅圖，名字叫做“松樹＂，圖面佈局相當簡單，卻也很直率，幾乎有三分之二的畫面只畫了一棵蒼勁挺拔的老松，份外顯得遺世而獨立，老樹斑斑皮鱗，看得出他已有千年的年歲，略為傾斜的樹幹，彷彿告訴我們他飽嚐了多少霜雪，而酒狂這一首琹曲，正是要表現出讀書人的傲骨與狂態、狂如蒼鷹、睥睨天地、傲如雪松、卓然獨立，因此，狂是皮、傲是骨、叛逆是為心髓，喝酒的醉態，只不過是嘻笑怒罵、逄場作戲、虛應人生百態的表面工夫罷了。

因此，舉凡酒狂的信仰者在彈琹的具體形象上，決不能只一昧描摹出搖搖晃晃的忸怩醉步、或踉蹌跪伏、或是仙人吐酒、佯裝顛狂，都只彈到曲子的表面，而沒有彈到曲心裡；其實這首曲子，應該是要表現出對封建及統治者，矯情做作、勢利假面的欺壓，做毫不留面、一針見血的拆穿與撕裂。

琹曲本身質樸猶如一個純真的少年，而三八拍子的律動，又彷彿像是一場源自鄉間勞動者的酒後狂歌，詩經的偉大，便是在於採集了自春秋戰國時期流傳於民間的歌謠，呈現出來人民旺盛與豐富的生命力與情感，魏晉南北朝時期竹林七賢的阮籍，他所做的酒狂則是赤裸裸的表達了中國的文人，從來就有自己的堅持與主張，所謂達則兼善天下、窮則獨善其身，孤舟蓑笠翁、獨釣寒江雪，狂傲的知識份子，從來都不是皇權與專制集權下御用的走狗與工具，他們總是堅定立場、不動如松，所謂風雨如晦、雞鳴不已，板蕩識忠貞、疾風知勁草，但是我總覺得他們更是像鷹，因為一隻老鷹那怕就要餓死了，也絶對不會對你搖尾乞憐，牠只會漸漸的死去，但絶對不會投降。

鷹，始終有鷹的骨氣，相對於讀書人來說，一個有良知的讀書人，絶對不會盲目地順從旁人，他們只會順從自己那顆僅有的“良心＂，因此彈琹的時候，在碰到這首樂曲中需要撮音時，要彈得稍微有力度一點，來表達自己內心對於崇高理想的那份堅持；而用小幅度的上下滑音，很能夠適切地表現出醉態以及搖晃的感覺倒也不錯；曲中在仙人吐酒之後，我加了一段全新的索鈴表現手法，希望呈現出一種瀕臨瘋狂前那種焦躁蠢動、神經質，以及幾近崩潰的精神狀態，此段演譯對於古琹曲來說是非常前衛與大膽的音樂試驗了。

之後左手順勢而上，把右手漸漸逼至一徽靠近岳山處，你來我往、你退我進，象徵借著酒意，來反抗霸凌與一切不公平的對待；之後右手幾已退無可退，獨剩一指，彷如一隻瘦骨嶙峋的蒼鷹，那怕即將垂死，雙目依然烱烱而銳利、昂揚張嘴、桀傲不馴；最後，反退左手、緩緩消停，表達出我狂依舊、雖千萬人吾往矣的氣慨，呼喊自由萬歲、真理始終生生不息。

對所有的集權統治者來說，你可以輕易地奪走我的生命，但是你始終帶不走的──是我那與生俱來、追求幸福與自由的反骨，歷史上嵇康是這樣，方孝儒也是，而在戊戌政變中被殺害的琹人譚嗣同也是一樣的，當然這其中還有我心裡頭認為最狂、最傲、最勇敢的女性，也就是知道自己即將在慷慨赴義前，向獄卒要來了紙筆，默默寫下了“秋風秋雨愁煞人＂的鑒湖女俠－秋謹，在歷史的洪流上，他們之間都有一個共同點，那就是為了追求理想與正義，不惜犠牲自己，終於以身殉道，這種大無畏的勇氣，便是酒狂的核心精髓了；當然，對於那些天生軟骨、卑躬屈膝的人來說，他們自始至終所不能理解的──那就是，酒的本身又怎麼能使人瘋狂呢？狂的是自己本來就狂──我說！

My Craziness Derives from MyHaughtiness

I saw a painting at Palace Museum entitled “Pine Tree” by Shen Zhou, one of the Great Four Ming Dynasty Painters. The layout ofthe image is quite simple, but very explicit. Only a tall, straight, uprightand strong old pine tree is portrayed in two thirds of the field of view,appears to be exceptionally aloof from the world. The old tree, spattered inscaly bark, illustrates its one thousand year old age. The somewhat slantedtree trunk seems to indicate to us that it has experienced frost and snow tothe fullest. This guqin piece, Wine Fanatic, manifests the lofty and unyieldingcharacter of an intellect, haughty like a goshawk, to look at everythingdisdainfully, proud as snow pine, to stand alone astoundingly. Thus,haughtiness is the skin, arrogance is the bone, to rebel is the essence, thedrunken state is nothing but merry laughter and angry scolding, to join in thefun, vicissitudes of life.

Consequently, all believers of the wine fanatic should not invariablydepict the swaying bashful drunken gait, crouching, celestial beings exhalingwine, feigned madness, which are all superficial. As far as the specific imageis concerned, this musical piece should portray the exposé and ripping of the hypocrisy without leniency.

The pieceitself is unadorned like an innocent youth. The 3/8 rhythm seems like theafter-drinking crazy singing by the countryside laborers. Book of Songs iseminent because it collected the songs circulated among the regular people inthe Spring and Autumn and the Warring Periods which demonstrate the people'sexuberant and plentiful vitality. Wine Fanatic, written by Ruan Ji , one of theSeven Sages of Bamboo Grove in Wei, Jin and South-North Dynasties barelyconveys Chinese literati's insistence and assertion of benefiting all thepeople in the world when influential, while preserving one's own purity andintegrity, and pay no attention to others when powerless. In a solitary boat,an old man wearing a straw hat is fishing in the freezing snowy river. Theself-conceited intellects havenever been servile followers and toolsunder monarchy and authoritarianism. They are always firm in standpoint,unmoved like pines; remain sober when the situation looks grim, and so, thetrue and faithful can always be distinguished in the world of chaos, fire testsgold. However, I always feel that they resemble the hawk more because a hawkwill never beg even if they are starving to death. They would rather dieslowly, but will never surrender.

A hawk always has itsunyielding character which corresponds to an intellect. A conscientiousintellect will never obey others blindly. They only submit to their ownconscience. Thus, when the pinched sounds are required, it has to be forcefulin order to express the insistence toward the sublime ideal; by using the smallscope glissando, it can properly indicate the drunken state and swayingfeelings. After the celestial beings exhaling wine, I added a rope bellexpression in a hope to exhibit the kind of anxious motion, hysteria and nearmental breakdown state right before becoming virtually crazy. Thisinterpretation is an extremely avant-garde and bold musical experiment for aguqin piece.

Afterward, the left handgoes upward, forcing the right hand to the corner of the lofty mountain; youcome and I go, you advance and I retreat, to symbolize resisting bullying andall unfair treatments. In this instant, there is no room for the right hand toretreat any more and only one finger is left, resembling an emaciated goshawk,even at the presence of death, its eyes are shiny and sharp, looking up withits beak open, arrogant and obstinate. Finally, pull back the left hand, stopgradually, to indicate conceited still, shouting Long Live Freedom, truthalways strives unremittingly.

Allauthoritarian rulers can easily take away my life. What they can never snatchaway is my born obstreperous backbone which runs after happiness and freedom.In history, both JI Kang and FANG Xiaoru were this way, as well as guqinist TANCitong who was killed during the Wuxu Coup. Of course, among all, there is themost conceited, haughty andcourageous woman in my mind, who, before fervently sacrificing herself to thecause, asked the prison guard for pen and paper, and silently wrote down“Autumn Wind and Autumn Rain Sadden Me to Death”, the Woman Knight of LakeMirror –- QIU Jing. In the course of history, they all have something incommon: in pursuit of ideals and justice, they would not hesitate to become amartyr and make the ultimate sacrifice. This fearless bravery is the coreessence of Wine Fanatic. Naturally, those who are born without a backbone,bending and scraping to curry favor, could never understand –- that is, how canwine itself make us conceited? It is he who is conceited –- I say.

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